Take a moment and think of the most obnoxious person you know.
Have someone in mind? Now ask yourself my favorite question: Why? What makes this person obnoxious?
Here at FORTE, we highly value Authenticity. Much of our work revolves around teaching people to communicate their true selves, showing them that they are enough, and helping them turn up the volume on who they are and what they stand for. Many people shrink back from life, as if they need someone’s permission to live it to the fullest and realize their potential. We say, “You are bigger than you think.”
We must access our whole selves and be willing to communicate ourselves if we want “success” (however you define it). Yet that is only half the equation.
On the opposite end of the spectrum from the Hiders—those who are afraid to put themselves out there in a big way—we find the Pushers.
Chances are the obnoxious person you thought of fits in this category. These people push themselves, their thoughts, their values, or even just their volume on others who don’t want it. Sometimes they are simply colossally unaware of how they come across. More likely, they know what they say or do is offensive, but gain a sense of power by forcing it on others.
Perhaps you’ve heard some of these favorite “Pusher” sayings:
- That’s just the way I am.
- I’m only being honest.
- You’re too sensitive.
Both Hiding and Pushing come from a place of Fear: fear of inadequacy, fear of rejection, fear of failure. It’s easy to see the connection between Hiding and Fear. Yet Pushing often conceals deep insecurities, too. Only when we fear we aren’t enough do we try to steal power from others.
Both Pushing and Hiding are inauthentic. Pushing attempts to give an impression that is harsher than reality, and Hiding one that is weaker. And both, as you can imagine, are communicated nonverbally.
So what is the answer?
Confidence doesn’t Hide. Confidence doesn’t Push. Confidence claims space without encroaching on others or withdrawing from them. When we Hide or Push, we are off-balance; both physically and metaphorically, we can easily be knocked off our feet. When we stand with Confidence we are centered, grounded, and therefore, stable.
Confidence says, “I am enough.” Confidence says, “I am safe and strong. I don’t need to hide from you.” Confidence says, “I am self-assured and powerful. I don’t need to take from you.”
Wonderfully, when you communicate that you are safe and powerful, others around you feel less need to Hide or to Push. By communicating Confidence, you inspire authenticity in others. And isn’t that the goal? Real communication, in real time, with real people.
*Ready to get real and communicate with Confidence? Call us at (503) 522-8038 to schedule a session with Rachel.