*Idiocy Quotient
I wrote last time about the Tower of Babel. I’m a bit of a word geek (ironic, I know!) and couldn’t help getting all interested and excited about the word “Babel.” Most normal people probably don’t get excited over etymology (I even spelled “etymology” correctly without spellcheck, which I think takes me way past geek and squarely into “nerd”), so I’ll skip all the in-between and get to the point. We still use this ancient word, slightly modified, today: babble.
Babble is irrelevant, useless, confusing gibberish—words that don’t actually communicate anything.
Ever caught yourself doing this? Most likely it’s when you are under stress and not breathing well. You struggle for words and the prattle that comes out of your mouth doesn’t even make sense to YOU…! You know you sound like an idiot (no offense).
Whether you’re speaking or not, you’re communicating. Like words, nonverbals can be clear, relevant, and specific, or they can amount to unspoken babble. Do your nonverbals send the message that you’re intelligent and purposeful, or that you’re an idiot?
As you know if you follow this blog (and shame on you if you don’t), my husband and I recently bought a house. One of the professionals we worked with during the process ended every sentence with a twittery laugh. Every. Sentence. She had excellent skills in her field and could be Authoritative when she needed to be, but during the course of regular conversation she punctuated her sentences with giggles.
Drove me nuts.
And, I might add, reduced her credibility and her ability to get her message across. The laugh was like nonverbal babble: irrelevant and useless.
When we’re babbling, we often don’t realize it. Words are coming out of our mouths, but we’re so preoccupied that they don’t register. The same is true for nonverbal “babble.” We aren’t aware of the ineffective gestures, space fillers, and softeners we use that get in the way of real communication. However, you can clear away the nonverbal “noise” and mindfully turn up the volume on what you actually want to get across. (Hint: That’s what we’re here for.)
No need to sound like an idiot. Stop babbling. Start communicating.
I offer no absolution for bad, inappropriate behavior. I simply felt your post was overly critical of a certain type of person, and others of that persuasion would perhaps feel ‘less than’ in light of it.
I actually agreed with your point, and the spirit of your post. Just didn’t care for the semantics. I think you have opportunity here to build others up within the context of communication (an awesome gift), and I felt this post drifted toward negativity. My hope is that all folks learn to embrace who they are, how they communicate, and feel honored regardless of whether or not they hit a bullseye each time they open their mouths.
I also believe people who giggle are not always doing so in an inappropriate manner, and sometimes the receiver is just a bit too judgmental and lacks compassion. You may or may not be such a person (I hope not!), but multitudes are…and this post might just give them license to continue in their own kind of inappropriate behavior. Some folks just don’t like those of us who retain some childlike energy in our lives.
Still wishing you good things and chocolate. Namaste.
I’m sincerely sorry that my post came across as being critical of any type of person or personality. We always strive to focus on behavior, NOT personality. We want to empower people to bring their wonderfully complex and beautifilly unique personalities forward–to express them, to share them, and to do so in a way that will resonate.
I’m also sorry that the example I chose was one that offended you. Perhaps if I’d mentioned someone who starts every sentence with “Um” or “You know” (a MUCH more common form of nonverbal “babble”), or who constantly chews on their lip or bites their nails, or any other behavior that is overdone to the point that it is distracting, it wouldn’t have been as upsetting. I’m not against laughter. I’m not against biting your lip, either, for that matter. I’m simply stating that whatever your behavior is, it needs to fit the situation.
So, I absolutely agree with you that giggling is not always inappropriate. 100% wholeheartedly agree that giggling is usually a good thing and something we could use a whole lot more of in this world. Smiles and laughter make the world a better place, in general. But there ARE times when laughter is inappropriate, or at least ineffective.
Anyway, I think we’re both saying the same thing, but from a different angle.
I hope you have a good weekend, and that it includes chocolate, too.
Yes, but we can’t control others, can we? That’s the point of the post. That others MAY judge you harshly, whether it’s deserved or not. It’s certainly within one’s rights to decide they are who they are and the rest of the world be damned (lord knows that was me in my 20′s) but the person who wants to be taken seriously must look very hard at what they’re communicating nonverbally whether it’s giggling inappropriately or something else entirely. Rachel’s point was that we may inadvertently being doing things that make us come off as “idiots” (and the idiot label was of course in jest, I certainly giggled when I read that, knowing Rachel would never, ever call anyone an idiot for real) and that bringing awareness to the things that may affect how others view us is something good communicators do.
Cindy,
Thank you for your comments. We say here at FORTE that good communication takes place when you deliver your message and it is understood and received, and I can see that I didn’t get my intended message across. So I appreciate the chance to clarify.
First, I agree that we all have different personalities, different strengths, and different contributions to make. We try to *enable* people to be authentic and true to their real selves. I myself, though it may not come across in this blog post, love to laugh. This woman’s laugh was not an authentic, cheerful, joyful laugh that came from within. It was a nervous, twittery laugh. Believe me, the times when she laughed because she had something to laugh about—not because it was just her habit to end sentences that way—were a breath of fresh air.
Secondly, though I used the term “idiot” frequently in the blog as an example what we don’t want to be, I didn’t mean to imply that I think this woman is an idiot. On the contrary, she is very good at what she does, as I mentioned. I never said that cluttering up your communication with irrelevant verbiage or nonverbals means that you ARE an idiot. But it DOES detract from the message and can give that impression.
Third, I do take issue with the idea that just because someone “is” a certain way, then that absolves them of the responsibility to gauge how they come across and whether their communication style is working… Effective communication is being true to your nature in a way that is appropriate to the person you’re with and the needs of the situation. You need both: authenticity AND appropriateness. If my husband had just died and someone told me how sorry they were and then laughed, that’s not appropriate or effective communication, no matter how lighthearted, buoyant, or hopeful the person’s nature might be. My point was that in context the laugh detracted from, rather than added to, the conversation. When her laughter was appropriate, it was great!
My overuse of the word “idiot” detracted from MY message in this blog, and for that I apologize.
Rachel
Hi there,
This post was linked to a closed facebook page I inhabit. We were asked our opinion about your own opinion as expressed here, so I decided to pop over.
I must agree that it’s superlatively annoying when a person inappropriately interjects ‘babble’, as you call it. It makes everyone feel awkward and well, out of sorts. Cringe-fests are just no fun for anyone.
That said, I believe strongly there are different types of people on this planet, and it truly takes ALL of them to make the creation complete. My assumption based on what you’ve written here is that the person you judged as sounding like an idiot is actually a bright (in the ‘lights up a room’ sense), animated person in her true nature. Because lighthearted, childlike personalities are in general frowned upon in our culture, these folks can’t help when that repressed energy comes popping out….often at the wrong times, in the wrong intensities, and in the wrong ways.
Unfortunately, posts such as this which point a critical finger at those of us with such bouncy, cute natures feel once again slammed to the corner. I concede that this woman made herself seem like an idiot, but no one is an idiot….no one wants to look like an idiot, which I believe was your point in writing this blog entry. It is not appropriate to assume that if one giggles at the wrong time, they are an idiot or even acting like an idiot. It is simply a judgement you have made, like much of our culture.
It saddens my lighthearted soul to know other folks with a buoyant nature would read this and once again condemn themselves as ‘sounding like an idiot’ because they can’t help but be who they are. I suspect this woman is unaware of and therefore unable to embrace her happy, hopeful nature yet. Imagine if she was! Dreary meetings full of stress and tension would be so much easier to face with the added energy of hope and lightheartedness she could bring to such events. We all NEED that energy, and I for one, refuse to take your suggestion when I am in circumstances that LONG for a breath of fresh air, a well-placed giggle, a smile, some childlike “let’s just chill out and be grateful for the fact that we (have money to purchase a house, have a business that is making money, have a family who cares, etc.)” Because I’m learning to honor my nature, I offer my gifts to the world whenever I have opportunity. I plead with you to be more gracious, and use your own gift of perfection, precision and boldness (another truly wonderful, needed type of nature!) to help others embrace theirs, even when it differs, and yes, even offends, your own.
Wishing you laughter, peace, hope and chocolate,
Cindy Harvey