When was the last time you did a cartwheel?
A year ago, my daughter tumbled sideways around my yard, calling out, “Look at me doing cartwheels!”
My brother, who was visiting, watched for a bit and then asked me, “Can you still do a cartwheel?”
I had no idea. It had been over a decade since I’d last tried. But I gave it a shot.
I was surprised to find I landed on my feet. I was also surprised to find Continue reading: “Practicing Cartwheels”
At a seminar this past weekend, I met several people, but had a great talk with one woman in particular and looked forward to getting to know her better. Later, I was standing at the sink in the women’s bathroom when I saw this very same woman leave a stall and walk out.
Without washing her hands.
Now, I’m not a germophobe or anything, but I kinda draw the line at washing your hands after using the restroom. I mean, come on. We live in a civilized society people.
Needless to say, this changed my view of this new acquaintance. That is, until the next morning, when I was forced to use the handicapped stall since it was the only one available. I entered, shut the door, and realized it came fully equipped with a sink, soap and paper towels.
I was guilty of making an assumption based on incomplete information. Continue reading: “Don’t Make Assumptions: Especially in the Bathroom”
Last week I worked with a group of high school girls on presentation skills. I introduced them to approachable and authoritative nonverbals and when to use each, we discussed how to gesture effectively, and we talked about why pausing is so important.
But when it came time to discuss the actual speech itself, I was struck by how every single girl in the room prefaced her statements with: “in my opinion.”
This is a serious problem folks.
“In my opinion,” or the closely related “I think,” or “I feel” is, at best, verbal filler. A presenter doesn’t need it, and it weakens most sentences.
But at its worst, it’s a dangerous nonverbal we often overlook. Particularly for young women.
Prefacing statements with “in my opinion” communicates, “This is just my opinion, so it probably doesn’t carry much weight, but if you’d be so kind to hear me out…”
Which means that somewhere along the line these high school girls learned that their voices didn’t matter, that they needed permission to speak, that they weren’t allowed to have an opinion without qualifying it first.
Perhaps boys have the same problem, but in my experience I hear way more “in my opinions” when working with my female clients than I ever do from my male clients.
If we ever hope to increase the amount of women in leadership (which is the focus of the group working with these high school girls) we’ve got to start from the inside out. Leadership is communicated. And our communication is a reflection of what’s going on inside.
Sometimes we’re not aware of our limiting beliefs until they show up nonverbally, like in this case. Which is why this work is so life changing: it illuminates our blind spots but also gives us tools to communicate in ways that expand our self-concept.
Which is exactly what happened once I disabused these girls of the notion that they needed to qualify their opinions. I asked them to state their content without any “announcing.” At first they struggled. “How do I start, then?” they asked. “Just say what you think!” I said.
As they stated their opinions without any introduction, they stood taller. They spoke with more authority. They made more eye contact. Suddenly they became believable, passionate, and powerful.
Word choice is nonverbal. How we think affects how we communicate nonverbally, but never forget that how we communicate nonverbally also affects how we think.
One of the first times I watched video of myself presenting I was shocked to find I didn’t smile. At all. For the entire six hours.
I’m not sure why I was shocked, since, it appears that I’ve had a smiling problem for quite some time. (Yes, that’s me, down below.)
Just last year, a good friend and colleague called me out for my LinkedIn photo. “You look scary,” she said. And she’s probably right.
Here’s the thing: smiling is overrated. Continue reading: “Smiling is Overrated”
Last week I stopped in Powell’s to pick up a couple of birthday cards, and came across the Corporate Flashcard Pack. “Speak suit in mere days!” the box promised. 
I had to laugh. I’m constantly trying to convince people to un-learn corporate speak. (Or legalese or government lingo…) We think technical language makes us sound credible, when it almost always gets in the way.
Take a client I was working with recently. About one minute into her presentation I was completely lost. Phrases like “independent distribution channels” and “fundamental performance of the index” made me completely tune out.
I mean really. Can’t we just say client instead of “end user?”
If we’re truly interested in getting our message across in a way that’s informative, engaging, and memorable, we have to drop the “corporate speak.” Instead:
1. Use the simplest language you can get away with. Instead of “revenue stream” say “monthly payments.” Don’t say, “I am herewith returning the stipulation to dismiss in the above entitled matter; the same being duly executed by me,” when you could say, “I have signed and enclosed the stipulation to dismiss the Byrd case.”* Delivering a memorable presentation is like dropping bread crumbs along a path. Throw in a word or phrase that causes confusion and your listener is now lost in the woods.
2. Incorporate stories and analogies. We learn best through stories. Our brains are wired that way. Stories are engaging and easy to remember. The number one way to make dry, boring data relatable is to pepper stories and analogies throughout.
3. Rely on nonverbal communication to deliver your message powerfully. Increase your pausing. Use purposeful gesturing. Become an excellent breather. Play around with voice patterns. Nonverbal communication transmits the majority of any message. Use less technical language and more powerful nonverbals to get your message across.
knockknockstuff.com
Maybe there really are people who naturally use terms like “strategic initiative” and “core competency.” But I doubt it. Every single time I stop a client and ask them to explain what they just said so I can understand it, they say, “Well, what I’m really trying to say is…” and BOOM, it makes sense.
In other words, they’re able to reverbiagize, repurposing what was formerly a pain point, thus resulting in a paradigm shift.
*Thanks to the The Trial Practice Tips Weblog for this example!